Comfort

Let's be honest...a lot of us are uncomfortable with grief and loss. And most of us never know the right words to say to the bereaved. So, we offer some standard platitude or worse, we say nothing at all. The truth is, I'm not sure there is a right thing to say. Grief is personal, each griever unique, what brings comfort to some may not to others. When my mother passed away, most well-meaning friends & family didn't "get it", my grief {how could they when it belonged to me?}. Many of us think grief is on some sort of timeline. I've learned, the hard way, that it is not. Recently, I read a book called Comfort: A Journey Through Grief. The author, Ann Hood, suffered a loss no mother should have to bear when her five-year-old daughter died suddenly from a form of strep. Sadly, she gets grief. Ms. Hood wrote: "People kept telling me that once this happened or that passed, everything would be better. Some people...saw grief as a straight line, with a beginning, middle, and end. But it is not linear. It is disjointed. One day you are acting almost like a normal person...then a song, a glimpse of something, or maybe even nothing sends you back into the hole of grief. It is not one step forward, two steps back. It is a jumble. It is hours that are all right, and weeks that aren't. Or it is good days and bad days. Or it is the weight of sadness making you look different to others and nothing helps." Her story, though painful, brought me comfort. It reminded me there is no "magical day" when you get over grief. And there are no magical words to cure it. After all, I don't think it's saying the right words that brings comfort; but rather, the comfort comes from showing you care enough to try. So if someone you know, or care about, or love, is grieving...don't worry about what to say. Just reach out and comfort will follow.